"Nutty" Christmas Gifts

B and I had lunch together today seated at our catalog-cluttered dining room table. As I paged through the Harry and David catalog, he idly picked up The Sportsman’s Guide (which we get because the previous owner of our house was, I presume, a hunter). I decided to challenge B to a little contest. I told him that we should each try to find the most appalling potential Christmas gift in our respective catalogs, although I knew full well that he had an unfair advantage.

The best I could do was the Nutcracker Sweets Tower, which consists of a vacant-eyed nutcracker doll with a braincase full of gumballs; a torso stuffed with cookies and mints; and a trouser load of caramel corn. Disturbing. But not nearly as disturbing as the Bully Bag, that is, a candy dish made from a bull’s scrotum--sealed and (hopefully) sanitized by professional “ballologists.” Why not fill it with beef jerky, candy, or, most appropriately, nuts? I’m sure no one would be at all put off by eating directly out of a deceased bull’s marble bag.