Embarrassing Childhood Memory (One of Many)
When I was in first grade, this is what I wore to school every day: turtleneck pullover, tights, plaid elastic-waistband skirt. All from Sears. I was quite happy with this wardrobe. Even back then, I had slothful tendencies, so I liked not having to put any real thought into what I would wear. Each day I’d select a turtleneck that was a different color from the previous day’s turtleneck--much like Warren Oates and his cashmere sweaters in Two-Lane Blacktop. Next, I’d put on some tights that I believed matched (whether they actually did will never be known), and pulled on one of the plaid skirts. Then I’d put on my corrective oxfords and clomp off to school. I’m sure I looked a treat.
This fabulously efficient, no-brainer system worked brilliantly until one day in early winter. I arrived at school, went to my locker, and unzipped my coat. There I stood clad only in tights and turtleneck. I had somehow forgotten to put on my skirt! I was petrified with horror. What was I to do? I couldn’t take off my coat. That would be equivalent to standing there naked. I couldn’t walk into class wearing my coat because, well, that just wasn’t done. My only choice was to stand there in front of my locker and wait to die of embarrassment. Good plan! Classes started and I just stood there crying discreetly. Finally, a teacher that happened to be roaming the halls noticed me, and I choked out my predicament to her.
She escorted me to the nurse’s office. (Why there?) The nurse called my mom who arrived about a half hour later bearing one of the plaid skirts from my collection. I don’t recall how the rest of the day went. But I do know this. That was the death knell for the turtleneck-tights-skirt ensemble. From that day forward, I made sure I wore something foolproof—like a jumpsuit.
This fabulously efficient, no-brainer system worked brilliantly until one day in early winter. I arrived at school, went to my locker, and unzipped my coat. There I stood clad only in tights and turtleneck. I had somehow forgotten to put on my skirt! I was petrified with horror. What was I to do? I couldn’t take off my coat. That would be equivalent to standing there naked. I couldn’t walk into class wearing my coat because, well, that just wasn’t done. My only choice was to stand there in front of my locker and wait to die of embarrassment. Good plan! Classes started and I just stood there crying discreetly. Finally, a teacher that happened to be roaming the halls noticed me, and I choked out my predicament to her.
She escorted me to the nurse’s office. (Why there?) The nurse called my mom who arrived about a half hour later bearing one of the plaid skirts from my collection. I don’t recall how the rest of the day went. But I do know this. That was the death knell for the turtleneck-tights-skirt ensemble. From that day forward, I made sure I wore something foolproof—like a jumpsuit.
posted by Rozanne at 5:33 PM
4 Comments:
Ah, yes, I believe this sort of thing is called a "wardrobe malfunction." :-)
My mother mostly bought me little polyester slacks-and-vest ensembles, to be worn with a variety of collared shirts. But I did have one particularly natty green jumpsuit.
In fact, just last night I had one of those dreams where you realize you forgot to put on your clothes. I was in court, talking to a judge, in my boxer shorts and t-shirt.
Never really had it happen, though...thought that was just a sit-com scenario.
Glad to see life went on.
Jamie, A wardrobe malfunction! I didn't even think of that--that's great! Polyester slacks ensembles--that was second or third grade! I had three of these: horizontally striped polyester pullover top and solid-colored ribbed polyester slacks. I had one in olive green, one in navy blue, and one in ketchup red. They were truly awful.
Pieman, I have those dreams, too--a lot. You are lucky that your subconscious allows you to keep your underwear on. Mine doesn't.
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