Eye Know Best

Diana tagged me a while back to do this fantasy-job meme. I am thawing it out tonight so that it can serve as a springboard for a short rant.

Rules: I am to pick five of the following occupations and complete the sentiment, adding an occupation of my choice to the end.

THE OCCUPATIONS:

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...I would be Yo-Yo Ma.
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an archaeologist...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...I’d probably be so busy attending to high-maintainence guests that I’d never get out to enjoy the surrounding countryside.
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a professor...I’d arrange to be on permanent sabbatical.
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...I’d take part in all manner of swashbuckling activities.
If I could be a servicemember...
If I could be a business owner...
If I could be an actor...I’d act in BBC costume dramas. Bring on the corsets and the false hair!
If I could be an agent...
If I could be video game designer...
If I could be photographer...
If I could be a circus performer...
If I could be a spy...
If I could be a fashion designer...
If I could be a high school student again...
If I could be a clothing designer for very small dogs... (Diana)
If I could be an optometrist... (Rozanne)

So why would I choose a profession as dull and repetitive and likely to be located in a strip mall as optometry? Because I am currently sitting here wearing my wretched glasses because my new contacts are not the correct prescription. And the reason they are not the correct prescription is because when optometrists ask: “Which is better, 1 or 2? Which is better A or B?” They are not in the habit of allowing more than a nanosecond to elapse before flipping from 1 to 2 or A to B.

Here’s how I’d do it: “Which is better, 1 [one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi] or 2 [one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi]?” The patient’s brain would actually have time to process the difference between the two lenses, thereby increasing the likelihood of accurate prescriptions. This suggested change in practice clearly proves that I have a very high aptitude for optometry, wouldn't you say?

Now I’m going to have to slog back to the strip mall and try to get them to fix my prescription. If I go around noon, I can have lunch at Hooters. Not!

Oh yeah. I’m supposed to tag some new victims. I tag Jilly, the Pieman, and Betsy, since she claimed today to be in desperate need of something to blog about! And Denise, who has resurrected her blog. Yay!