Sunday, August 07, 2011

The Bane of My Existence

Epic Fail!

This is supposed to be a baby hat. I hated knitting this sooo much for so many reasons. Firstly, I foolishly--in a moment of high stress last January--told a pregnant co-worker that I would knit a hat for her forthcoming baby (even though I don't really connect with this co-worker and even though I don't like knitting hats).

This promise dangled over my head and gnawed at my subconscious for months before I finally scheduled a lunchtime yarn excursion to a yarn shop with my co-worker. She had no trouble picking out the yarn--Santa Claus Red and Recycling Wheelie Bin Blue. Let me just say--not my favorite color combo. At. All.

I purchased the yarn and then put off, put off, put off actually getting down to the business of starting the hat. I finally started knitting the hat on a plane en route to Chicago over the July 4th weekend.

Problem number 1: How to knit for the unborn? Sure, I had a pattern, but, I don't know, the hat looked super small. So I ripped out about four inches of knitting and started over with more stitches.

Problem number 2: The stripes looked like crap, and there was this big loose icky area whenever I switched from Santa to Recycling Wheelie Bin.

Problem number 2 and a half: Is the hat too big now? Maybe. Maybe not? Who can know?

Problem number 3: I would really rather be knitting anything else other than this ding-dong hideous baby hat.

I got home from my trip, having not done any knitting during the plane ride. I finally realized how much the stupid hat was torturing me and how much I didn't want to spend any of my precious free time working on this friggin' thing and had a brilliant idea.

Find a baby hat knitter on Etsy and just buy one. Why didn't I think of this earlier? There are many folks on Etsy who knit baby hats and I found a lovely woman who was willing to make one in the exact same retch-worthy colors and customize it to emulate the pattern I was using. It is sitting next to my computer in a ziplock bag as I type this, and it looks so much better than the rubbish I was knitting. (By now, my co-worker has had the baby and is on maternity leave, so I'll just mail it to her. She'll assume I made it, but the ethics of this slight deception are not bothering me.)

I say "rubbish" because that is where the baby hat in progress currently resides--in the rubbish bin under the kitchen sink mingling with rotting arugula and coffee grounds. I couldn't be happier. Normally, I wouldn't throw away failed knitting. I'd unravel it and save the yarn, but in this case? No.

OK. I did try to see if I could repurpose the hat by turning it into a cat cowl. But I strongly suspected the cat wouldn't go for it. And I was correct. Like me, he finds the style and colors absolutely disgusting.

Trying to Pretend This Isn't Happening

Pissed Off

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