Thursday, November 02, 2006

Bad Behavior at the Breakfast Table

I took the day off yesterday, and when I take the day off, I like to treat myself to breakfast at Gravy. Since my main reason for taking the day off was to go hike the Multnomah Falls-Wahkeena Falls trail in the Columbia River Gorge, it was essential that I fuel up, and Gravy is definitely the right place to do that.

What I really like about Gravy is that they have this mix ‘n’ match breakfast where you can order two eggs plus one, two, or three side dishes. Naturally, I went for the two eggs and three sides—a short stack, a slice of the most delicious ham imaginable, and a circlet of hash browns that looks like a crispy bird’s nest. I know that’s not the most appetizing analogy, but don’t you hate flaccid, underbrowned hash browns? I do, and I’m not a fan of “house potatoes” either. You know—those cubes of soggy sautéed potatoes that are sometimes mixed with onion and green pepper. I’m old skool when it comes to potatoes at breakfast, and I’m always thrilled when I find a restaurant (that isn’t a Denny’s or similar) that still serves hash browns that are actually brown. Delish!

As I was making inroads into my repast, two women came and sat down at the table next to mine. One of them bugged out her eyes in feigned horror as she leered my plate (I should say plates, as I actually had two) of food. “That’s a lot of food!” she said to her companion. I don’t know why she thought I wouldn’t hear or see what she was doing, as she was about a foot away from me.

How dare she comment on the amount of food I was eating?! I couldn’t help but overhear her as she nattered away to her companion, and it was clear that she was planning on totally tying on the feed bag by ordering one of Gravy’s enormous cheese-laden scramble combos and a couple of sides. What gave her the right to pass judgment on me and the amount of food I was eating? I felt like leaning over and saying. "Wow. I notice you’ve ordered a very substantial amount of food. You must be planning, like me, on climbing to the top of Multnomah Falls after breakfast and then hiking another 1,000 feet up into the Earth’s atmosphere for a grand total of 1,600 feet of elevation gain." Then I'd watch her squirm and splutter.

Of course, I kept my snide little fantasy speech to myself. Talk about bad behavior! It really reflects badly on me that I went on to devise several themes and variations on that speech as I finished my breakfast,* each more barbed and sarcastically lethal than the previous version. Yes. Ugly behavior on my part. Definitely.

So this is what happens when I undertake to post to my blog every day. I think the above certainly qualifies as twaddle. I should conclude on a positive note, so I’ll say a bit about the hike, which was so lovely it (temporarily) erased all memories of the hypocritical breakfast lady!

Multnomah Creek

I try to do the Multnomah Falls-Wahkeena Falls loop at about this time every year. The trail passes about a dozen waterfalls and the lemony leaves of the bigleaf maples and the vine maples contrast wonderfully with the mossy hemlocks and cedars. If ever there was an enchanted, primeval forest, the stretch of woods along Multnomah Creek is it! How ‘bout one more photo for good measure?


Today's Random NaBloPoMo Blog: Open Book

*For the record, I wasn’t able to actually finish my breakfast. Rather than stuff myself like a pig, I left half the short stack uneaten and prudently took most of the ham home. I wonder if hypocritical breakfast lady was able to demonstrate such restraint?


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