Radical Tailoring Required

Yesterday, at long last, I finished the Fuzzy Reception cardigan I started exactly eight months ago. Much to my surprise, it actually bears more than a passing resemblance to the Fuzzy that some far more accomplished knitter than I made in order to sell the pattern.

However. There is one rather large problem; "large" being the operative word here. The sweater is gigantic. It would fit a hippopotamus with room to spare, especially the sleeves, seemingly designed to accommodate ample “bingo wings.”

How the H-E-double-toothpicks did this happen? I’m not sure if the pattern’s at fault or if I bozoed up somewhere along the way. Quite honestly, novice though I am, I don't think it's me. I swatched and swatched to make certain I had the gauge right. I think the sizes are just generous. Too generous. Embarassingly generous.

I’m going to have to do some radical tailoring.

Since I inherited my mom’s gene for attempting half-assed shortcuts and patch-ups, I’m planning on re-seaming the sides up to and including the armpit to take it in at least an inch on each side. Then I’m going to reseam the sleeves to slim down their billowing profile. Then—and this is the part that I’m sure will make all perfectionist knitters want to poke my eyes out with size 2 bamboo knitting needles—I’m going to snip off the excess seam with my grandmother’s jumbo-sized seamstress shears. Then I'll whipstich the trimmed seams so they don’t fray. How does that sound? Sorry if I’ve sent anyone into orbit with that heretical plan, but it’s that or relegate the fuzzy enormity I spent expended so much effort on to a cat bed.